airplanes.

One of my favorite places on the entire planet, is up on a hill sitting on the cool flat concrete roof of an old drug lord's house, looking down to the city of Port-au-Prince in the valley of beautiful mountains on my left as lights flash on and off as EDH does what it does best, and looking straight ahead as the sun sets down into the warm Caribbean waters for the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen watching the airplanes come in and out. It is indescribable beauty. I wish I could take everyone I know up to that rooftop, and share with them the greatest spot. So many emotions and so much Jesus.

Someone asked me a few months ago, why do you love airplanes? And it made me think. I don't know when it started, my love for airplanes. I never actually flew in a plane until I was 18 years old and lived in Colorado. Maybe it was because Peter Pan is my favorite and I wanted to fly like they did. But I think it began as a fascination with the sky when I was little. I was obsessed with the night sky. I would sit out on my parents deck, or lay out in the middle of the field and just gaze at the most intriguing part of our universe. My parents bought me a super legit book on the night sky and there was a huge section of pictures with details of different things that happen in the night sky, and I wore it out looking at all the pictures and trying to figure out what stars and planets I was looking at, and then there was always that "moving star" that was an airplane. Living in a very rural part of Tennessee there was always an occasional small plane that would fly low, and we would run outside and watch and wave at the people in the airplane like they could see us. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world when they flew over us. My mom use to travel a lot growing up and taking her to the airport was so mesmerizing to me. I love airports.  Even today, I prefer a long layover just to sit in an airport and watch life happen. 

May 30, 2009 I took my first plane ride to Denver, Colorado. Later on that day, I would discover that sitting a few seats over was a girl who would impact so many lives. I arrived in Vail, and the whirlwind of project life began. I met my roommates who are the most amazing women in the world. We were all very different people in very different places in our lives but it worked. By the end of the summer we loved each other deeply. There is no words to describe relationships made on project, unless you have been on one yourself. One of my roommates was a beautiful blonde from Kentucky, Hillary. Hillary is one of those people that is fearless, but the mature one. She is completely genuine in everything she says, hysterical and loves to laugh, so incredibly loving, will do absolutely anything, but when it comes to real conversation and other people she is so wise. Of the 4 of us, she would have been the mother of the group. 

We all had very different work schedules, but some afternoons it would just be me and Hill. Those conversations are some of my most treasured memories. She is a rock star. Hillary loved airplanes and wanted to be a pilot. It is a hard and expensive road to be a female pilot. She was headed in that direction, but gradually the Lord began telling her that he had a different plan. She loved airplanes and flying, but her heart for the Lord far exceeded that. So she changed her entire life plan. She set her sights on the Lord and followed his lead. Her heart still remained in flying, but to her it was about doing the Lord's will than her own. To hear her talk about the change and about what her life is looking like you would have never thought it was a tough change. That's how she was, so in tune with the Lord that trusting in Him was the easiest and most fulfilling life choice. She inspires me. When life throws curve balls, I sit and think about her and her story. How someone so passionate about something will gladly put it aside to fulfill the current path of the Lord. I have a tendency to fight it out, and be a little stubborn with God about things before I change paths. And every single time I will see an airplane and feel convicted of my actions. I can always hear Hillary telling me straight up, and I need to act better. Hillary may never have gotten her actual wings, little metal pendent to wear on her uniform, but on August 11, 2010 she got her figurative wings as she flew up to Heaven and gets to spend eternity in the sky.

Two years later, I spent the anniversary in no other place than I would rather be, on that rooftop in Port-au-Prince watching the sunset and the airplanes fly in and out. I wished so much she was sitting next to me, seeing what I was seeing, hearing her contagious laughter, and having heart to hearts. I just there in silence as my troubled heart became serene, and journaled. 

"My head has been in a daze all day. I felt it coming like it always does, that overwhelming burden and darkness.....sometimes I don't want to hold it in, I don't want to make excuses, I just want to sit in the floor and cry.....I think about Hillary all the time, I wish I could understand, but I know we aren't meant to always understand....I miss talks with Hillary, our love for the military, each having our own thoughts of joining, knowing one day we wanted to marry into the military, the outdoors, movies, her boyfriend Nick, life changes, school, Cru, joys, struggles. She loved flying, but God told her to change her path, and she did without blinking. I was so amazed and inspired by her. She was so cool, fun, Godly and just plain great, but she didn't even know it. Her presence on our apartment tied everything together. We were all so different but she knew how to make it work. Sitting here on a rooftop in PAP, I can't help but wonder what she might have said to me about going and obstacles that arose. Her wisdom was some of the best conversations I ever had. I wish I could call her, Skype her, text her. But I can't. The Lord said she had fulfilled her purpose in this life and wanted her home. I don't blame him, she is pretty great. I know without a shadow of a doubt she is in heaven and she fulfilled her purpose for His glory over and over again. The selfish me just wishes she was still here. I know one day we will get to embrace and praise our Father together once again and its going to be glorious!"

I don't know why I love airplanes so much, maybe because they are just plain cool, and because it reminds me of my childhood. But I know that they are a sign of a promise to me. A reminder that God is sovereign, almighty, loving, and always will be. And to make me think of Hillary and her ever beaming light that shines so brightly to everyone around. Just like in the airport people are going new places, exciting places, going home, Hillary set an example of going new places, traveling down the road less traveled, and the fun and excitement that brings, and taking her final flight home. Every time I see an airplane I think about my dear friend Hillary Morgan Hadley! And it makes me smile! So maybe that is why, airplanes make me happy. So today we will be happy and celebrate her and the joy she still brings everyone that knew her. 


Happy 24th Birthday Hill! Love and miss you! Let's Party!